Solutions Of Life Blog

Why Is There A Need For Financial Therapy?

Nikiya Spence, LCSW, CMC — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:37:33 +0000

One of the things that we as humans all have in common is the fact that WE all have a relationship with money. Some of us have a healthy relationship and view with money, while others struggle with it. Oftentimes this relationship can be a very emotional one regardless of one’s income. It should not come as a surprise that people are often led by their impulses and emotions. Sometimes people need help sorting through reoccurring patterns that interfere with their ability to make sound financial decisions. There are times when people need help with simply coping with the stress that comes with managing their finances.

In a recent online survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, they found that 75% of 2,500 persons interviewed stated that money was the number one source of stress in their lives. Several studies have revealed that those with money do not always have a healthy relationship with money. In fact, having money never guarantees happiness, but instead can sometimes lead to more stress and anxiety in people.

There have been a host of problem financial behaviors that have been identified over the years by psychologists. A few of these problems are:

Overspending
Underspending (also known as depression mentality)
Serial Borrowing
Financial Infidelity (“cheating” on a spouse by spending money and lying about it)
Workaholism
Financial Incest (lording money over relatives to control them)
Financial Enabling (throwing large sums at friends or relatives who are not motivated to support themselves)
Hoarding
Guilt and/or Shame around poverty or wealth

Needless to say, most humans have an emotional relationship with money. The emerging field of financial therapy can be beneficial to persons who are open to understanding and changing their money patterns and beliefs. Oftentimes this relationship with money is deeply rooted and is the result of beliefs and patterns that have been inherited. Financial therapy has been shown to be an effective practice in helping persons gain a more positive and rational relationship with money.

Is Your Relationship With Money Good or Bad?

Nikiya Spence, LCSW, CMC — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:34:21 +0000

One of the things that we as humans all have in common is the fact that WE all have a relationship with money. The unfortunate fact is that some of us have a healthy and positive relationship with money, while others do not. Oftentimes this relationship can be a very emotional one regardless of one’s income.

I have found that most people that have an unhealthy relationship with money have unconsciously inherited this trait from their parents and/or environment. The subject of finances tends to be a taboo subject for most households. In fact, most people are never properly taught how to manage or even relate to money. This is a rather sad fact considering all of us have to deal with money on a day to day basis.

So what are some of the problems that people have as a result of not understanding how to have a healthier relationship with money? Well for starters, take a look at the following list and identify if you have one or more of these issues or know someone that does:

Overspending
Underspending (also known as depression mentality)
Serial Borrowing
Financial Infidelity (“cheating” on a spouse by spending money and lying about it)
Workaholism
Financial Incest (lording money over relatives to control them)
Financial Enabling (throwing large sums at friends or relatives who are not motivated to support themselves)
Hoarding
Guilt and/or Shame around poverty or wealth
Money Anxiety

So is money good or evil?? I say that money can be good if one learns to understand and relate to it in a positive fashion. Having a healthy relationship with money can lead to purposeful and prosperous life! We just need to understand how to relate to it better. Financial coaching and/or therapy is a growing field that is helping people all around the world establish a healthier connection with themselves and their finances.

Steps to Creating Financial Intimacy in Your Relationship

Nikiya Spence, LCSW, CMC — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:33:47 +0000

It is no secret that money problems cause more arguments between couples than any other family problems and has been identified as one of the major contributing factors to why couples divorce. The reality is that oftentimes couples are not taught the necessary skills to manage and communicate about their finances prior to getting married. Talking about money is also still considered to be a very taboo subject in many households.

Many couples fail to identify if they are financially compatible with their partners prior to getting into a serious relationship. Persons have different money patterns, behaviors and beliefs that can create financial distance and strain in a relationship. In fact, opposites normally attract when it comes to the way couples manage their finances. It is not unusual for one person to be a saver and the other a spender.

The good news is that relationships can survive when couples have differences in financial logic. Creating financial intimacy in one’s marriage can be difficult at first, however once it has been established, the relationship can prosper. So how does one create this level of intimacy?

Tips for Creating Financial Intimacy

Gain awareness and clarity around your money patterns and beliefs.
Try to understand and respect differences in how your partner views money
Establish clear and specific goals
Find a way to blend your financial strengths so that you can work together as a team
Set up a money management plan that keeps both of you informed
Brainstorm as a team to explore creative solutions to problems. Be willing to compromise
Focus on common goals
Learn to listen without judgment
Discuss solutions to any problems that may come up.
Be willing to seek the help of a professional if needed

Having a healthy relationship with your finances is an essential part to any relationship. Honesty and open communication not only increases emotional and physical intimacy, but financial intimacy as well. Overall it decreases stress, anxiety, and tension. If your relationship is struggling in any of these areas, working with a financial therapist can get you back on track.

Financial Infidelity: What Is It?

Nikiya Spence, LCSW, CMC — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:08:02 +0000

Although many are not familiar with the term financial infidelity, it has increasingly become a problem in many households across America. So what exactly is financial infidelity? Financial Infidelity occurs when one person in a committed relationship spends or hides money without disclosing it to their partner.

Like sexual infidelity, financial infidelity can destroy one’s marriage. Money problems are known to be one of the leading contributors to divorce. Financial infidelity happens to be at the top of the list of money problems that lead to divorce. Shockingly, Jennifer Brand, a family law specialist in Philadelphia, stated “I see more cases of divorce caused by financial infidelity than I do from sexual infidelity”.

So how many people out there are actually lying to their spouses about money? The numbers are surprisingly high. In a recent survey conducted by HarrisInteractive, the following results were revealed:

Approximately 1 out of 3 people admit to lying to their partners about finances
One in Four people state that their partners have withheld financial information
Three out of Four people surveyed stated that they fight at least occasionally about money
One in Four adults believe that financial infidelity is worse than sexual infidelity
96% of the group surveyed reported that it is both partners’ responsibility to be completely honest about financial issues.

The results indicate that financial infidelity is a serious problem. As one can imagine, any form of dishonesty in a relationship can lead to serious trust issues. Those trust issues can ultimately break down the emotional connection needed to make a relationship last. The reality is that the effects of financial infidelity on a relationship are no different and oftentimes worse than sexual infidelity. If you are having a problem with being completely honest around your finances with your partner or are having problems getting over financial infidelity in your relationship, you should consider working with a financial therapist.